Chronic Loneliness: Why Loneliness Can Make Us Even Lonelier
Editorial Assistants: Charikleia Lampraki and Maren Giersiepen.
Note: An earlier version of this article has been published in the German version of In-Mind.
Loneliness can be more than a temporary feeling. For some, it becomes an invisible vicious cycle. Chronically lonely people experience social exclusion more intensely and find less joy in social interactions. They fall into cognitive traps that block the way out of isolation. This can have serious consequences, especially for adolescents. But how does this vicious cycle develop –and more importantly, how can it be broken?
Everyone feels lonely at times. Especially after certain life events – like the loss of a loved one, moving to a new country, or changing jobs – this feeling can emerge. Young people are particularly affected. Globally, 40% of 16–24-year-olds reported feeling lonely often or very often (compared to 27% of those over 75) [1]. In Europe, as many as 57% of 18–35-year-olds reported feeling moderately lonely (17% severely), and 50% of 36–69-year-olds reported the same (17% severely) [2]. While many people experience loneliness temporarily, for others it becomes a long-term problem. This is especially challenging for adolescents, who are in a critical phase of social development where friendships play a major role. Chronically lonely adolescents are at greater risk for both mental and physical health problems. Loneliness can even be as harmful to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day – and more harmful than obesity andlack of exercise combined [3].
How do people deal with loneliness? Humans have a fundamental need to belong and are usually motivated to reduce loneliness, for example, by joining clubs or seeking support from friends. They also tend to maintain a positive self-image by attributing social successes to themselves (e.g. “I’m a nice person”) and blaming others for social failures (e.g. “That group isn’t friendly”), a self-serving bias [4]. However, chronically lonely people do not show this pattern. Instead, they tend to exhibit negative cognitive biases in social situations, for example, they pay more attention to potential threats [5]. So, how is this distorted processing of social information related to chronic loneliness?
The way this cycle of loneliness is maintained was demonstrated in a study [6] that followed adolescents over four years. The research team examined their levels of loneliness and how they responded to social inclusion (e.g. being invited to lunch) and exclusion (e.g. not being invited to a party). Adolescents reported how they would feel (e.g. sad, happy, angry) and what they thought were the causes related to these situations (e.g. their personality, others’ behavior, chance). The results showed that chronically lonely adolescents responded differently to these social situations than their peers who were less or only temporarily lonely:
- Less enthusiastic after social inclusion: While most people experience positive emotions when included socially, chronically lonely adolescents responded with less enthusiasm and even uncertainty. They mainly felt relief, suggesting that social inclusion reduces tension for them rather than bringing deep satisfaction.
- More sensitive to social rejection: Chronically lonely adolescents experienced stronger negative emotions such as sadness, anger, anxiety, and insecurity when excluded. People who are overly sensitive to rejection are constantly on alert for social threats to avoid them.
- Self-defeating bias: Instead of the self-serving bias, chronicallylonely adolescents showed a self-defeating attribution pattern. They believed invitations happened by chance and that they themselves played no important role. When excluded, they blamed themselves (e.g. their personality).
This pattern – less reward from inclusion, more pain from exclusion – creates a vicious cycle in chronically lonely adolescents, likely driven by self-defeating interpretations of social events. As a result, they tend to avoid social interaction, which only deepens their loneliness instead of helping to overcome it.
How can this cycle be broken? It’s not enough to simply encourage more social contact or teach social skills. What is crucial is helping lonely individuals learn to interpret social situations differently, such as relating inclusion to their positive qualities (e.g. “People want to spend time with me because I’m kind and funny”) and seeing exclusion as situational (e.g. “Maybe they forgot to invite me, but that doesn’t mean I’m unpopular”). Chronically lonely people may particularly benefit from changing their maladaptive social thinking patterns in order to break the cycle of loneliness and enhance their social well-being [3][6].
Bibliography
[1] C. Hammond,“Who feels lonely? The results of the world’s largest loneliness study,” BBC, 2018. [Online]. Available: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/2yzhfv4DvqVp5nZyxBD8G23/who-fe...
[2] M. Luhmann, B. Schäfer, and R. Steinmayr, Einsamkeit junger Menschen 2024 im europäischen Vergleich. Gütersloh, Germany: Bertelsmann Stiftung, 2024. [Online]. Available: https://www.bertelsmann-stiftung.de/de/publikationen/publikation/did/ein...
[3] S. V. Schnepf, B. d’Hombres, and C. Mauri, Eds., Loneliness in Europe. Cham, Switzerland: Springer Nature, 2024. doi: 10.1007/978-3-031-66582-0.
[4] J. Shepperd, W. Malone, and K. Sweeny, “Exploring causes of the self‐serving bias,” Soc. Pers. Psychol. Compass, vol. 2, no. 2, pp. 895–908, 2008. doi: 10.1111/j.1751-9004.2008.00078.x.
[5] A. W. Spithoven, P. Bijttebier, and L. Goossens, “It is all in their mind: A review on information processing bias in lonely individuals,” Clin. Psychol. Rev., vol. 58, pp. 97–114, Dec. 2017. doi: 10.1016/j.cpr.2017.10.003.
[6] J. Vanhalst, B. Soenens, K. Luyckx, S. Van Petegem, M. S. Weeks, and S. R. Asher, “Why do the lonely stay lonely? Chronically lonely adolescents’ attributions and emotions in situations of social inclusion and exclusion,” J. Pers. Soc. Psychol., vol. 109, no. 5, pp. 932–948, Nov. 2015. doi: 10.1037/pspp0000051
Picture Source
Fig 1: https://pixabay.com/photos/girl-road-loneliness-2667932/
